Melissa Douglass, Author at Goal Driven Counseling

Boundaries

Maybe you’ve seen social media posts about them, you’ve heard about them on a podcast, or you can’t exactly pinpoint where you first heard them but wonder nevertheless,“What does “boundaries” even mean?”

I had the hardest time understanding the concept of boundaries and an even harder time trying to figure out how to implement them in my own life. I could go on and on about my personal inexperience with boundaries, but the questions for you are:

Do you know what boundaries are?
Do you know how to use them in your life?

So what are boundaries?

Setting boundaries are about taking care of yourself first. A boundary is about putting into place limitations on your availability, what you say yes to, what you say no to, and they can even be used to signify to others what behaviors you will or will not accept from them. A boundary is about making sure your needs are considered and not just the needs of others.

Boundaries are also about using communication that is not aggressive, but communication that clearly states what your needs are, what your wants and requirements are; and in some instances, consequences for those who do not respect or follow through with the requirements of your boundaries.

I can enforce consequences when people don’t respect my boundaries?

Yes!

Examples of consequences to others who do not respect your boundaries could be a person no longer having access to you, your time, or personal information of yours. When you don’t have having boundaries or your boundaries are porous and not firm you experience consequences as well. Consequences to self can be: You feel like the only one doing the giving in relationships, you feel emotionally
drained by certain people who demand more of your time. Ultimately, you can end up with a negative perspective of others because your needs are being unfulfilled or unrecognized.

How do I know if I need better boundaries?

Do you find it hard to tell people “No”?
Do you often feel depleted or drained of energy when you accept doing things for others without doing what you need or want to do for yourself?
Do you feel obligated to meet the needs of others but find you don’t get the same from them?
Are you in relationships where you aren’t sure how to express what your needs are, but secretly want them met? and do not know how to go about it?

If you answered yes to any of these, you can benefit from setting and enforcing boundaries.

6 reasons boundaries can be useful in your life

Here’s what you’ve been waiting for. You now know what boundaries are, what happens when you don’t enforce them, and indicators why you might need better boundaries. So at last, why is this even useful?

Here’s 6 reasons how boundaries can improve your life:

Increases circumstances for healthier, balanced, and reciprocal relationships
Enhances your ability to focus more on yourself and your needs
Increases the importance of consideration of self as you consider other people in your life
Reduces overcommitment to others
Improves assertive communication skills
Informs others in knowing how to engage with you and how you desire to be treated

Setting and enforcing boundaries does take practice, but be patient with yourself in this new approach. Recognize this also means you are monitoring your own ability to restate and enforce your boundaries when needed. Don’t under-estimate your power to follow through with consequences and changed behavior if your boundaries are not being respected by others.

At last, make sure your boundaries are being honored by the most important person. You.

In today’s society, there are many changes going on all around us. Whether we turn on the news, glance at our phones when we first wake up, or find ourselves watching something profound someone has been caught doing on a video has everything to do with some of the stress we may all be feeling these days.

Oftentimes, we may pick and choose what we stop to read and consume based on the level of what we feel we can handle after being exposed to so much content. For some of us, picking and choosing what we read or listen to, is directly related to the level of stress we are under at the moment.

Maybe we chose to watch entertaining social media posts because we need the release of laughter. When we do this, we are essentially using a coping strategy to distract ourselves, deflect, help us unwind, and not have to add additional stress to our current state of being. However, stress over time has been related to increased mental health challenges that become reactions to stress, such as anxiety and depression.

Let’s go over some of the latest news topics that may have some of us under added stress:

-Roe vs Wade Overturned | A Woman’s Right to Abortion
-Current Inflation | The High Cost of Living
-Continued Police Assault on Black Minorities | It Keep Happening
-Mass Shootings | When Will it Stop?

Although we cannot expect to anticipate what our reactions to news events will be, we do have some form of control over how we navigate our day.

Here are 3 Considerations to Help with a News-Filled Day:

First, choose to start your day mindfully:

Be mindful about what you choose to take in. Being mindful means that you try to pay attention to how you are feeling and what you are thinking. Mindfulness is also accepting your responses to your thoughts and feelings and making a focused decision on what you intend to do.

If you don’t feel like using social media for the day, you can make a mindful choice not to engage. If you feel you need a break from negative news and rather focus on news that is positive, then make a mindful choice to shift your actions.

Second, choose not to dive into news right before bed:

Sure, many of us may view the time right before bed as a time to relax and use social media as a form to do so. However, screen time and the blue light that emits from our phones and computer screens have been shown to interrupt and decrease our body’s natural levels of melatonin.

When our melatonin levels are disrupted, it results in difficulty getting into a deep, restful sleep. A lack of quality, restful, sleep exposes us to an increased risk of anxiety and depression.

Third, try to avoid indulging in harmful comments:

Social media can be riddled with comments that can provoke feelings of anxiety, worry, frustration, and anger. Allow yourself to not feel pressured into the social norm of using social media all the time. This social norm maintains the opinion that if you are not using social media, you might miss out on something.

If you notice topics are getting too heavy, you can choose to disconnect. An example of this could be to take apps off of your phone or deactivate accounts. This can be a temporary solution or a long-term one. The choice is yours!

It is not uncommon to feel overwhelmed or uneasy from current events that happen around us that are out of our control. It may be helpful to talk through your individual experiences. Talking through your experiences can foster a sense of support, but most importantly it allows you to constructively increase your wellbeing.